Some children report every small thing their brother or sister does. You want them to tell you about real problems, but not to make a habit of getting others in trouble.
The two-question test
- “Is anyone hurt or in danger?” If yes, always tell.
- “Are you telling me to help, or to get them in trouble?”
Telling vs telling tales
| Always tell | Sort it yourself first |
|---|---|
| Someone is hurt or could get hurt | “She’s looking at me” |
| Someone is being bullied | “He took the blue crayon” |
| Something dangerous (matches, knives, going out alone) | “She didn’t say Bismillah” |
| An adult made them uncomfortable | “He’s humming” |
The Islamic lesson
The Prophet ﷺ described backbiting as mentioning your brother in a way he would dislike (Sahih Muslim 2589). Allah compares backbiting to eating your brother’s flesh (Quran 49:12). For children: “Would your brother be happy you said that?”
How to respond
- For safety reports: “Thank you for telling me.” Always.
- For small things: “Can you sort it out yourself? Try saying ‘Please stop.’”
- Don’t punish the sibling based only on a tale; it rewards tale-telling.
Teach the alternative
Give your child words to solve small problems: “Please give it back.” “Can we take turns?”
Teacher’s tip: make it a game to “tell on” siblings for something good: “Tell me something kind your sister did today.” It changes the habit quickly.
Related: Siblings comparing progress.
